My dd wrote this for her English class this year.
Acacia Edwards
Mr Hendricks
English (10)
It was a day like any other, not too warm, not too cold. That's what I loved about May; the weather was always so uplifting. The blazing sun warmed my skin like a cozy blanket, then the Spring breeze would flow in, cooling me down to create the perfect temperature. But today was not like any other day. Today would be a day I would try to forget and try to push out of my head. I was 12 years old, so young, so fresh, so very impressionable. I went to school like any other day, went to class and sat down in my seat. I looked around all over my math class for my best friend, xxxxxx. She wasn't in her usual seat. Naturally, I figured her seat had been changed. I scanned the classroom...not by the white board, not in the front, not in the back, not in the middle. Where was she? I hadn't spoken to her since last night. I just knew something was off by her voice but she told me everything was fine. She told me, she really told me she was fine and I believed her. I felt an instant feeling of fear in my stomach, the kind of feeling you feel when your parents say, "Anything you need to tell me?" the sudden feeling of being sick to your stomach even if you did nothing wrong. I knew something was wrong, I just knew it. But I decided I was just being paranoid, shook the feeling off and continued on through the rest of the school day.
When I arrived at home, my parents were waiting for me in the living room with a disturbed look on their faces as if they had just seen a ghost. The feeling came back. I scanned their faces for any clues of what was about to be said, but nothing could prepare me for what was coming next. It was as if their mouths were moving but I couldn't hear a word, an unintentional mute you could say. Either that or my mind was blocking it out and all that came out of my mouth was, “What?” As my dad put his arm on my shoulder, an instant shock of chills ran through my body and he said with a shaky voice, “They found her hanging in the backyard.'' At this moment, I did not know what was what. I was in a state of shock. I could not breathe. I sat down. Something broke inside of me and a dam was let loose, flowing down my face. Xxxxx older sister, xxxx had committed suicide and xxxxx found her dangling from our favorite climbing tree when we were younger. Her sister was like my sister. I loved and looked up to her more than anyone else. I decided I needed to call Xxxxx right away. On the way to my room, everything felt so different - the world felt bleek and helpless. I looked in the mirror and I spoke out, not to anyone specific, maybe I was speaking to God, if He is real. I just needed to speak out loud even if no one heard me. I still remember to this day looking into my swollen eyes and puffy cheeks in the mirror, “Why Xxxx, why?” I then just sat there as the hours slowly crept by, crying as if I would never stop. My mind was spinning as if my brain was on a roller coaster that was out of control. My adolescent brain could not comprehend why anyone that was so happy and so bubbly could take their own life and honestly I still don’t understand it. The next couple of weeks were hard. Her death really impacted my life, from eating to my soccer games. I would attend practice but I should have just stayed home. I was just constantly going through the motions, never fully mentally there. I was always sad and the whole world just seemed different, like it was a fragile thing that could easily get broken.
Xxxx was a popular girl at school with the students and the teachers. Her death had a huge impact on each and every individual who attended the school. They had grief counselors come to the school for weeks to help students talk about it, as if that could help during the melancholy time. To this day, it is still a mystery as to why this beautiful, seemingly happy girl chose to take her own life. She did not leave a note. There were no clues, except for a cryptic heading on an Instagram post about not being a “good enough” artist to be alive, but there was not one person who did not admire her work. It took me a long time to get over it and it took an even longer time for me to stop hating her for leaving me and her family broken. Xxxxx and her family ended up moving. We stayed in touch for a while but to be honest, it’s been a long time since either of us have reached out. Maybe, it just hurts too much. I still like May but nowadays, when May comes around, it's not as happy or as carefree but then again, neither am I. May isn’t that perfect temperature I used to love so much with the promise of summer just a few months away. Now, it's a time when I am always reminded of Xxxx death. I now make it a priority to make sure if any of my friends or anyone I know for that matter is okay. I feel sad when someone dies but my eyes do not produce tears. It’s almost as if my tears are in hibernation or have simply run dry.
Xxxx death taught me how precious life is and that anyone can die at any moment. It affected me in good and bad ways. It was bad because I had to grow up fast. Death is too serious for a twelve year old. It is an adult topic. It was good because it taught me that life is precious and to check on your friends. Smiles don’t mean anything. What’s really going on behind it? It takes one second to ask someone if they are ok, to let them know they are not alone, and that you are there for them and will listen.
