Young Parents: Why youth soccer should be your last resort

[oh canada]

Another month, another soccer scandal. All sports have the occasional drama, but why does this sport, especially soccer in the USA, seemingly have 10x the amount of issues as other sports?

Well, it all starts at U6, in the pay-for-play USA club scene. In a sport that has no objective criteria for determining who's better than whom, parents with big egos, white-collar jobs, and the ability to spend countless hours at the fields and up the coaches' arses. The clubs are hyper-focused on $$, branding, and growth, and the good ol' boy network is deeply entrenched with testosterone, favors, winks, and quid pro quos. Nepotism, bribes, blackmale, discrimination, abuse...from FIFA to US Soccer to MLS/NWSL to college campuses to CalSouth to Surf (and other clubs) to AYSO, and all the media/ranking companies that perpetuate the charade. It all drips with filth. It may be the one sector where you find more ugliness than Capitol Hill, with car dealerships running a distant third. And, other youth sports farther down the chain.

Friends know I've had three kids go through the soccer system and achieve their personal goals--college etc--so, no regrets here. But, I'm often asked for advice about getting their little tykes started in soccer. Ten-Fifteen years ago, my answer was different. Now, I tell them, "try every other team and individual sport first, and if your kid hates every other one, then consider soccer. Because the corruption, the cost, the time commitment, the injury risks, the crazy parents, the subjectivity of the sport, and the potential upsides, are worse than any other athletic endeavor." Soccer makes my beloved hockey look like, well, child's play. The beautiful game? Wisdom has me thinking otherwise.

 

[toucan]

Everyone complains about the weather. But nobody does anything about it.

When somebody figures out how to get free coaches, free fields, free lights, free uniforms, free insurance and free referees, then I promise to listen to their latest pay-to-play rant.

And if you don't like youth soccer, I suggest you move to cheer, dance, tennis or baseball, where drama is expelled, and the quality of mercy is not strained, but droppeth as the gentle rain upon the ground.

 

[Carlsbad7]

Another month, another soccer scandal. All sports have the occasional drama, but why does this sport, especially soccer in the USA, seemingly have 10x the amount of issues as other sports?

Well, it all starts at U6, in the pay-for-play USA club scene. In a sport that has no objective criteria for determining who's better than whom, parents with big egos, white-collar jobs, and the ability to spend countless hours at the fields and up the coaches' arses. The clubs are hyper-focused on $$, branding, and growth, and the good ol' boy network is deeply entrenched with testosterone, favors, winks, and quid pro quos. Nepotism, bribes, blackmale, discrimination, abuse...from FIFA to US Soccer to MLS/NWSL to college campuses to CalSouth to Surf (and other clubs) to AYSO, and all the media/ranking companies that perpetuate the charade. It all drips with filth. It may be the one sector where you find more ugliness than Capitol Hill, with car dealerships running a distant third. And, other youth sports farther down the chain.

Friends know I've had three kids go through the soccer system and achieve their personal goals--college etc--so, no regrets here. But, I'm often asked for advice about getting their little tykes started in soccer. Ten-Fifteen years ago, my answer was different. Now, I tell them, "try every other team and individual sport first, and if your kid hates every other one, then consider soccer. Because the corruption, the cost, the time commitment, the injury risks, the crazy parents, the subjectivity of the sport, and the potential upsides, are worse than any other athletic endeavor." Soccer makes my beloved hockey look like, well, child's play. The beautiful game? Wisdom has me thinking otherwise.

What I think is "funny" is that with Soccer there are no greener grass options. From top to bottom AYSO to Professional the stupid drama never ends.

The worse part is the higher up the chain you go the less you want to know/participate.

 

[Jamisfoes]

LOL you guys think tennis is easy? You have no idea. Soccer is a cake walk compared to tennis.

 

[oh canada]

LOL you guys think tennis is easy? You have no idea. Soccer is a cake walk compared to tennis.

easy to figure out which player is better than the other - scoreboard

 

[Grace T.]

easy to figure out which player is better than the other - scoreboard

Cheer? Ice skating? Gymnastics?

no actually my former sport, equestrian, is. Most expensive and the horse actually does most of the work.

 

[oh canada]

Everyone complains about the weather. But nobody does anything about it.

When somebody figures out how to get free coaches, free fields, free lights, free uniforms, free insurance and free referees, then I promise to listen to their latest pay-to-play rant.

And if you don't like youth soccer, I suggest you move to cheer, dance, tennis or baseball, where drama is expelled, and the quality of mercy is not strained, but droppeth as the gentle rain upon the ground.

personal experience with baseball, tennis. nowhere near as bad as soccer. cheer and dance i can't comment, but they are not apples to apples with other youth sports.

 

[oh canada]

Cheer? Ice skating? Gymnastics?

no actually my former sport, equestrian, is. Most expensive and the horse actually does most of the work.

ice skating i can hire the exact coach i want to teach my kid and fire that coach whenever i want. and if your kid can do a triple axle and my kid can't, i know she's better. gymnastics the same.

 

[toucan]

personal experience with baseball, tennis. nowhere near as bad as soccer. cheer and dance i can't comment, but they are not apples to apples with other youth sports.

I'm pretty sure baseball and tennis are pay-to-play. Yet you don't complain about their model.

 

[Grace T.]

personal experience with baseball, tennis. nowhere near as bad as soccer. cheer and dance i can't comment, but they are not apples to apples with other youth sports.

I think baseball is slightly less offensive because it doesn’t have as big of a crazy pay to play structure and little league is slightly less dysfunctional than ayso. The parents though are much worse than soccer parents as famously set out in the bat dad South Park episode. It might also depend on the position as pitchers have it much much worse than even soccer goalkeepers and the risk of repetitive injury is so high

gridiron football is spared only because it’s such a limited play season, players can jump in late and can be relatively unskilled in most positions (size being most important), and it’s school based so the parent craziness is somewhat checked. But by positions the qbs have it the worst of all. As Eric has written in the times, they are literally having to hop schools around in a quest to get playtime.

 

[Grace T.]

ice skating i can hire the exact coach i want to teach my kid and fire that coach whenever i want. and if your kid can do a triple axle and my kid can't, i know she's better. gymnastics the same.

At the highest levels both are at the whim of the respective Olympic federations. Hence the abuse scandals. And the question isn’t whether your girl can do the triple axle and mind can’t. The question is whether yours is better than mine. It’s much better to be under the thumb of the pat to play system than the tyranny of the national federations.

 

[Jamisfoes]

easy to figure out which player is better than the other - scoreboard

True. But you need to deal with kids who cheat on line calls. And kids needing to be home schooled to achieve D1 level. Tournaments are at least a 5 hour ordeal and that's if you lose in the first round.

 

[oh canada]

I'm pretty sure baseball and tennis are pay-to-play. Yet you don't complain about their model.

it's not just about pay-to-play. read the post. one of the unique things about soccer is that it has no reliably identifiable objective player-evaluation criteria to shut the mouths and the pocketbooks of the bully-parents. ie, "a kid has a .345 average and can throw the ball 85mph and doesn't have any errors in the field." That makes the sport much more susceptible (and attractive) to the parents (and coaches) who are willing and able to demand playing time, awards, recognition, not based on merit, but on name (Reyna), relationships (older siblings), parent-commitment (team managers), nepotism (coaches' and club execs kids), and $$ (annual fundraisers).

Reyna's mom is a perfect example of this entitled parent behavior, even at the top levels of US Soccer.

 

[ColdPizza]

All competitive travel team sports suffer the same issues stated above. Some are a little better than others. Individual sports have a different set of issues but still, they have issues.
Find a sport your kid likes and is good at. Hopefully, they play it through high school, maybe college. But try not to burn them out or else you risk it all. Good luck.

 

[oh canada]

True. But you need to deal with kids who cheat on line calls. And kids needing to be home schooled to achieve D1 level. Tournaments are at least a 5 hour ordeal and that's if you lose in the first round.

Assume you watched the Williams' sisters movie? Their father made the smart decision to keep them out of tournaments till they were pro-level. Smart choice. Good flick btw, even though we now know that Will Smith is as crazy as some soccer parents.

 

[Grace T.]

it's not just about pay-to-play. read the post. one of the unique things about soccer is that it has no reliably identifiable objective player-evaluation criteria to shut the mouths and the pocketbooks of the bully-parents. ie, "a kid has a .345 average and can throw the ball 85mph and doesn't have any errors in the field." That makes the sport much more susceptible (and attractive) to the parents (and coaches) who are willing and able to demand playing time, awards, recognition, not based on merit, but on name (Reyna), relationships (older siblings), parent-commitment (team managers), nepotism (coaches' and club execs kids), and $$ (annual fundraisers).

Reyna's mom is a perfect example of this entitled parent behavior, even at the top levels of US Soccer.

This is a good point but the soccernomics guys point out the one thing that really matters is goals for. It’s why defenders and gks don’t get paid as much and defenders would be paid pittance but for their scarcity. It’s the same as in baseball: there are lots of criteria you can evaluate a player on (which ones do you pick and how much weight do you give them) but other than the pitcher as money ball points out the main thing that matters is how often they get on base. It’s better too than some sports with an artistry component such as dance cheer ice skating or gymnastics which is entirely subjective

while certainly among the worst in the aggregate, I really don’t think soccer has anything on the arbitrariness of dance gymnastics ice skating or cheer. Baseball parents are worse. Tennis has a more brutal competition expense and time commitment to become elite (my goddaughter just dropped because of the time commitment). Gridiron football is certainly worse on the body. Horseback riding is the worst of the worst for expenses. And qb and pitcher are more brutal position wise than even a soccer gk (as I said qbs are literally changing schools miles away for playtime, and pitchers are having to undergo surgery). Soccer is horrible but even in the aggregate it’s not the worst…I most certainly rather have my kid play soccer than be a competitive figure skater, qb or like me cross country equestrian.

 

[VanMan]

it's not just about pay-to-play. read the post. one of the unique things about soccer is that it has no reliably identifiable objective player-evaluation criteria to shut the mouths and the pocketbooks of the bully-parents. ie, "a kid has a .345 average and can throw the ball 85mph and doesn't have any errors in the field." That makes the sport much more susceptible (and attractive) to the parents (and coaches) who are willing and able to demand playing time, awards, recognition, not based on merit, but on name (Reyna), relationships (older siblings), parent-commitment (team managers), nepotism (coaches' and club execs kids), and $$ (annual fundraisers).

Reyna's mom is a perfect example of this entitled parent behavior, even at the top levels of US Soccer.

Baseball has the same set of issues as soccer from little/pony through high end travel ball. It's pay to play, just the same. Hitting lessons, fielding lessons, pitching lessons, catcher's clinics... it's non stop.

There are so many dimensions in baseball that, other than the obvious outliers on both ends, it's way more difficult to grade out the kids in between so there's tons of room for subjective interpretation.

And the enviornment is worse because almost every dad played and has some story about how they would've gone pro if not for the freak accident in the middle school cafeteria that caused them to blow out their ass sphincter which made it so they couldn't throw anymore. So not only are they doing the living vicariously through their kid routine, they're trying to get in the mix in all sorts of ways soccer parents don't... pretty rare to hear a soccer mom tell their daughter where the plant foot goes, but you'll here baseball dads get into how high their kid's back elbow should be when they're hitting.

 

[Orangeteam]

my boss was a profession baseball player. His oldest son is a current pro.
He tells me stories all the time of "family section" of the games and how crazy families are.
He continually tells me that baseball has just as many crazies as soccer.

 

[crush]

personal experience with baseball, tennis. nowhere near as bad as soccer. cheer and dance i can't comment, but they are not apples to apples with other youth sports.

Yup. If you can hit the baseball, you play. I did know a guy who cheated during tennis and seem to get all the close calls on his side. Soccer, it's a selection contest and you best better select the right club and Doc to get what your looking for. I got this soccer advice years ago but it was too late with soccer, my kid just loves to play the great game

 

[crush]

Baseball has the same set of issues as soccer from little/pony through high end travel ball. It's pay to play, just the same. Hitting lessons, fielding lessons, pitching lessons, catcher's clinics... it's non stop.

There are so many dimensions in baseball that, other than the obvious outliers on both ends, it's way more difficult to grade out the kids in between so there's tons of room for subjective interpretation.

And the enviornment is worse because almost every dad played and has some story about how they would've gone pro if not for the freak accident in the middle school cafeteria that caused them to blow out their ass sphincter which made it so they couldn't throw anymore. So not only are they doing the living vicariously through their kid routine, they're trying to get in the mix in all sorts of ways soccer parents don't... pretty rare to hear a soccer mom tell their daughter where the plant foot goes, but you'll here baseball dads get into how high their kid's back elbow should be when they're hitting.

I played baseball and never went through what I saw in club soccer. One of my pals made it all the way and my other pal played minors and never got called up. However, that was back in the 70s. I got my son on a Mustang team in Pony league and he got coach Dave and his two sons + some of his travel ball players and their fathers who were complete assholes. You see, my son cried when he struck out or got out on the bases. Coach Dave thought this was a championship team until Trevor let a ball go through his legs with two outs and bases loaded in the bottom of the 6th during playoffs. We lost and Trevor and my son never played the game again because of Coach Dave and his yelling & screaming and his way too serious coaching. I blame it 99% on coach Dave and 1% on me for enrolling him in Pony instead of Little League. I kick myself all the time. My son had all the tools to go pro in baseball but he lacked the mental part of not letting the game bring you down or the other kids bullying you all day. Little punks learned from their fathers Also, you can't hide in baseball like you can in soccer.