When to let your kid quit?

Lots of good parenting advice in those responses, and like all things parenting, there is not one single right answer for you and your child. The parents who are encouraging you to let him scratch his video gaming itch make some great points which are contrary to my personal instincts, but I can totally see why that approach could be right for some kids. I do think that it is critical to put kids -even older teenagers who don't want to be controlled - into situations that are outdoors, technology free, and physically demanding. Whether that is an organized "sport" or camping/hiking or some other form of exercise or adventure (skiing/snowboarding, surfing, skateboarding), these stimulate growth and development in ways that video games and internet surfing just will never duplicate. So I'd let the kid quit soccer, but make sure that there is a commitment to engage in something like the above.
 
I just went through the same thing with my 15 year old daughter. She didn't like soccer anymore and we had been arguing for months about her quitting. Finally I gave in to allow her to quit. The good thing is that she still wants to play high school soccer, she really loves playing with her friends.

She now wants to try theatre at school, although it's not a sport it's something she really wants to try. Since she's almost out of school I will be enrolling her in a youth theatre program during the summer.

It broke my heart to see her quit but I want her to try different things in high school. Right now is the time for our kids to try new sports or activities so it gives them a better idea of what they want to do in college and adulthood.

We have talked about her being more mindful of her diet and she knows she has to exercise of her own, so she can still be active.

Best of luck to everyone going through something like this.
 
NoGoal said:
Impressive, it took my son his college sophomore year to bench 225 at 150 lbs. Make sure he doesn't skip leg day :)
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No he loves doing squats. His legs already had good size to them due to soccer, and now they are eclipsing his soccer only size. I miss my kids playing soccer though, it was a great time for our family.
 
A p
Desert619 said:
So my 15 year old is done with soccer. Taking him to practice has become a nightmare. It's always a stressful situation getting him to go to practices and games. The problem is he wants to play video games all day. I'm to the point where I just want to give up pushing him. I told him he can pick another sport however he doesn't want to do anything. It's been two years since taking him to practice has turned into a nightmare. What would you do?
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A parents biggest fear, right? I mean, we spend all this $ and our kid wants to quit. If you look at it that way then yea, it sucks. Or... you can look at the time spent together as being well spent.

But that's not what your asking. Video games, personally I hate them but I allow my kids to play them, in moderation. I wouldn't want my kids to be all consumed in anything at 15, even soccer. Too many other things, like school, your faith or other activities to use your time on.

Options: start a hobby together. Buy a couple of Mountain Bikes and the two of you start to hit the trails together. If your not good at it, who cares. Your son will probably enjoy watching you suffer.

Another option: play the video games with him. This might actually get him to quit playing.

I have a sister who is 16 years younger then me. My parents got her involved in Softball and they lived Softball 24/7. At 15 my sister was done and told my parents that she no longer wanted to play. So they told her that if she wanted to quit that she would have to go to practice and tell the coach herself, and that terrified her but she agreed to do it. Once she got there she decided she would tell the coach after practice. Well she never did. She went on to earn a scholarship to a D1 school, was named for Collegiate Player of the Year and nominated for an ESPY her senior year. This year she was inducted into the schools Athletic Hall of Fame and had her jersey retired. If you watch any of the College Softball playoffs you might even catch a glimpse of her jersey in left field. Funny thing, at the time she wanted to quit she wasn't even the best player on her team.

What's the point? Know your kid. Every kid is different but they are still kids. Our job is to help them navigate these early years so that they enter adulthood prepared.

Good luck Desert, and stay cool out there!
 
Dominic said:
No he loves doing squats. His legs already had good size to them due to soccer, and now they are eclipsing his soccer only size. I miss my kids playing soccer though, it was a great time for our family.
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I agree. I will miss those soccer playing days so much. I didn't mind the long drives or weekend tournaments. It gave me a good excuse to have one of the "talks" with her; either about boys, drugs, college, etc.
 
Eusebio said:
I can't give any specific advice since I'm just entering this phase myself with my 14 year-old. I can only share my experience so far.

A couple of years ago, I had a talk with my son and I said we'll be entering a Point of No Return pretty soon. I told him I don't have unlimited money or time and I said by around his 13th birthday, he'll need to decide if he's going to strive to play at the highest level or just play casually with soccer. It was our version of The Decision.

If he just wanted to play for fun or have a physical activity, then I could just put him in a Rec/bronze league and he could play high school sports. I probably would try to find other activities to challenge him. But if he wanted to continue to play competitive soccer, he had to be all in. I would do my best to keep up financially with all the costs and to train him, but he had to understand it was no longer just about having fun, it was about developing a "craft". He would treat it as an apprenticeship and see it through for as long as it was realistically viable.

It's obviously a tough decision for a 13 year-old to make, but I believe if you're going to do something at a high level, then you should be fully committed and give your best effort. If you're not prepared to do that, then maybe you're not meant to do it. Club soccer in particular is way too expensive (at least for us) to just go through the motions.

My son actually decided with little hesitation to continue pursuing soccer at a high level. It actually worried me a bit because I wasn't sure if he fully grasped what I was saying. But he's 14 years-old now and while his video game playing has definitely ticked-up (primarily playing with his friends), his commitment and desire to train and play soccer at a serious level hasn't lessened. He often has a soccer ball at his feet even when he's playing video games. My son is also aware that playing sports at a high level requires social sacrifices and does not complain about missing parties, trips, and etc because of soccer. It's still pretty easy to get him to train at the park on a moment's notice and I'm pretty fortunate that he does treat soccer as a craft. He uses video games as his "fun" and leisure activity to unwind.

That said, I really like Mirage's last post. While my son and I definitely have a bond through soccer, I also play video games with him fairly regularly. In general I've tried to diversify our common interests and activities. So my relationship with my son isn't defined solely through soccer, which I feel is important so he didn't feel like if he dropped soccer, he would also be dropping his dad. We have other common interests (which btw took effort to develop. It didn't happen magically.)

In a few years, my daughter will also approach The Decision point. I'm really curious which way she'll go because she has more of an "All-Around" personality and interests. She also has a stronger desire for social activities. And the end goal for girls and boys soccer is a bit different, so that has to be taken into consideration as well.

Interesting topic hearing everyone's experiences.
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I did the same thing - have "the talk." They need to buy in to the commitment. My counter to my U14 was lower-level play/ team with instant stardom and more flexibility to play other sports/do other activities. I want to make sure the decisions are her own, and I'm not trying to force my needs or desires into her.

She has to want it and want it bad, or it's all a waste of time. She has to find what she is passionate about and pursue it while she is still young and free to explore. These kids have plenty of time after college and/or graduate school to compromise their dreams and fall into a boring, monotonous job with good pay but no way out - or follow their dreams and find it pays less than being a waiter.
 
Bananacorner said:
I did the same thing - have "the talk." They need to buy in to the commitment. My counter to my U14 was lower-level play/ team with instant stardom and more flexibility to play other sports/do other activities. I want to make sure the decisions are her own, and I'm not trying to force my needs or desires into her.

She has to want it and want it bad, or it's all a waste of time. She has to find what she is passionate about and pursue it while she is still young and free to explore. These kids have plenty of time after college and/or graduate school to compromise their dreams and fall into a boring, monotonous job with good pay but no way out - or follow their dreams and find it pays less than being a waiter.
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Saw this quote the other day and seems appropriate here:
"Your salary is the bribe they pay you to forget your dreams"
 
timbuck said:
Saw this quote the other day and seems appropriate here:
"Your salary is the bribe they pay you to forget your dreams"
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Or you can teach your child how to be a functional adult and marry their passions with a life. Not all us hate going to "work" which is why we are successful.
Shocker
 
Striker17 said:
I know raising a successful child sucks huh. Why don't you all go cry in your cereal?
Or better yet have your daughter chase her dreams to the NWPSL? Sounds great!
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Dude you are wound way too tight. man you are as concrete as a slab of fine masonry -- do I have to spell it out to you? IT WAS A JOKE! you know, like Ha ha? Maybe you've heard of them, its things people say to make light of things.

You know, marijuana is legal in California now.
 
Bananacorner said:
BTW, I'm glad you have found your dream job of cleaning laterals so fulfilling. Go get em!
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That is very insulting to people, including several people on this forum I'm sure, who do this or a similar type of work. In a lame attempt to insult striker17, you have insulted hardworking people who do jobs that most of us couldn't handle. Bravo.
 
chargerfan said:
And another informative thread hijacked by someone who feels the need to insult other posters.
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chargerfan said:
That is very insulting to people, including several people on this forum I'm sure, who do this or a similar type of work. In a lame attempt to insult striker17, you have insulted hardworking people who do jobs that most of us couldn't handle. Bravo.
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You can't be serious. Please see above regarding legal marijuana. Anyone who does this or similar for a living has a sense of humor 100x better than yours, I have no doubt. Only someone who sits at a desk for a living, hates it and pretends it's what they always wanted would be posting the crap you and Striker are posting.

You really should pick another site to peruse - this one isn't for you. Try this one.

http://m.topix.com/forum/news/topix/TT7RUK9S6Q6SNRVUR
 
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