You have to look at your fee's breakdown. On all the club's my children have played on there is a section for the coaches fee, so your statement above is all wrong
THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF TALKING TO YOUR KID’S COACH
- Thread starter younothat
- Start date
I wish there was a scary or chilling icon...
The person you are describing is frightening on many levels.
Also for the record one coach I know who did that exact speech got “let go”.
Wow, that’s some helicopter parent b.s. right there. You’re obviously not seeking the dialogue to improve your kid’s soccer...because nobody does this at the higher levels anywhere in the world...so what’s the point?
Based on your statement this thread should never have even been started. You don't need a list of dos and don't if you aren't supposed to talk to the coach in the first place
What are you talking about? Your response to Bubba doesn't even make sense. The post was about the financial aspect of what fees are for and what expenses they cover. Where do you think the $ comes from to pay the coach's salary? The club owners do not make a charitable donation to pay a coach. They get money from the parents to cover all the expenses of the club including salaries. Remember we are talking about children (minors). Many who don't even drive themselves to practices. If you are talking about world soccer - don't have many details about that but from what I hear the finances and costs are quite a bit different and coaches, clubs not getting paid high dollars from the parents of the children/players.
But what does my kid’s life on the soccer field have to do with me? I talk to my kid’s schoolteacher maybe twice per year? YMCA, little league, AYSO, club Soccer, they all cost money. My role is to drive and watch. Please explain what I’m missing. I have a DA kid and a club kid and I talked to their coaches once when they joined last summer and not since. Why would i?
The right answer is probably somewhere in the middle, with a lean towards player/coach communication. Ideally, that communication is strong and the coach empowers their players to advocate for themselves, especially as they grow older. The older they get, the more you should expect from the player in this area. But if that communication breaks down, a parent should advocate for their kid. The problem is most parents don’t know when and how to approach a coach and when to back off and let their kid take care of it. It compels coaches to write articles like this or institute excessively rigid rules like no parent-to-coach communication at all. I get it, but I don’t agree. A parent should have access to a coach if necessary, but the culture should be player/coach relationship first.
Wow again ! So far I have received these pearls of wisdom from you "Pay your money and shutup" ,"My role is to drive and watch" and just write checks without knowing what the money is used for. You are the ideal club parent , wallet open , don't question anything if you have any doubts. Good luck with that.
Yikes. IMO these are good examples of what Claudio Reyna says is the problem with American coaches...ARROGANCE. Let's dispel the notion that the parents aren't the customer. By very definition the individual that purchases the services is the customer, your child is the beneficiary. Who do the clubs market to? The parents. Of course, some coaches/DOCs are more then willing to engage with parents and tell them how good their kid is when selling the club, but as soon as you write the check the parent is persona non grata and the feedback stops. The fact that many clubs don't recognize the parent as a customer after payment is one of the problems with club soccer.
Now I'm not condoning pestering the coach. As with any situation in life, it has a lot to do with the delivery. The best advice on the list is don't be emotional (wait 24-48 hours after a game) and don't mention other players, unless its a safety issue. Sometimes parents just want some clarification and its not a complaint, yet the coaches treat it as some dumb parent questioning their decisions. Personally, I wish coaches would provide more proactive feedback, particularly, when it comes to areas that the child needs to improve in.
sandshark
SILVER ELITE
I was going to ask that same question! Someone needs to post that question.
Keepermom2
GOLD
I am going to hit two threads in one. As a business person that has been in this "Club Soccer" world for a short time, I have come to realize that the mergers of clubs are about economies of scale i.e. cut the cost of coaches through increasing the number of teams per coach and decrease the number of individual training like Keeper training through combining it with a team practice or having a large age span for training with large number of kids per one trainer. In addition, they create a monopoly which is prevented in the Corporate world through regulation for good reason. I naively thought it would be different at a local small club and was so wrong. After my local club experience with my older daughter, I told my younger daughter that "No one gives a shit about you as a person in this soccer world and you have to be prepared to deal with that. You take what you can from them and don't expect anything from them. Do you still want to do it?" This was before I read this board and realized that statement out of anger was more true than I thought.
When you talk about communication with a coach, it goes both ways. I had sent an email to the local club coach asking him if he was replacing my older daughter as Keeper. He said no. As time went on this Keeper was practicing with our team and never committing to the team. She was bigger than my daughter but overall not better. She couldn't dive if her life depended on it and my daughter was faster and more aggressive. The bigger thing was that the girl was not committed to the team and I knew she never would commit because her main sport was volleyball. He said she was but he lied. I recently looked, and she is not on the roster. Even so, I asked the coach to give my daughter a heads up if he wasn't going to play her so she could emotionally prepare herself. He knew that I adopted her from an orphanage at the age of 4.5 years old too and I told him she needed to prepare herself emotionally. She was working so hard too and he had previously told her she was the reason they won a couple of the games! He didn't play her at playoffs at all and had no communication with her. She was absolutely humiliated as she was the only one that didn't play and this could have been prevented if he had a discussion with her prior to the games. This hit her much harder than other kids because of her background. Rejection is deep in a child that was adopted. After that she gave him a chance to apologize and he turned it around and made it her fault. She no longer plays soccer.
To the coaches on this board, recognize you have an impact on the individual may it be positive or negative. When you come to the end of your life you will only be thinking about what difference you made in this world or in an individual's life. I know this because I was on my death bed for a long period of time and walked the halls of the cancer ward and that is what all of us talked about. You as a coach have the special opportunity to help a kid believe in themselves and to do better which can have a huge impact. I encourage you to do a test and pick a kid who needs encouragement and watch what can happen. They look up to you and what you say to them they take to heart. So pardon us parents if we are trying to get you to communicate with our kiddos. They are kids in various stages of emotional development. I speak for my 11 year old because she is too scared to do it right now. I talk to her about every feeling and do my best to speak for her.
Having said all of this, and it is a lot, I realized my high expectations is not realistic in this soccer world so beating my head against a wall expecting it is futile. We have to work around it regardless of how counter intuitive it is. One more thing to coaches, if you communicated more with us and our kids up front, it would probably decrease the amount we need to communicate with you. What seems obvious to you isn't so obvious to us. I always feel like I am wondering in the night not knowing what is going on begging for one flash light and doing my best to figure it out. My daughter often asks me why this or that and I can't answer her. You coaches are the one's with the answers.
When you talk about communication with a coach, it goes both ways. I had sent an email to the local club coach asking him if he was replacing my older daughter as Keeper. He said no. As time went on this Keeper was practicing with our team and never committing to the team. She was bigger than my daughter but overall not better. She couldn't dive if her life depended on it and my daughter was faster and more aggressive. The bigger thing was that the girl was not committed to the team and I knew she never would commit because her main sport was volleyball. He said she was but he lied. I recently looked, and she is not on the roster. Even so, I asked the coach to give my daughter a heads up if he wasn't going to play her so she could emotionally prepare herself. He knew that I adopted her from an orphanage at the age of 4.5 years old too and I told him she needed to prepare herself emotionally. She was working so hard too and he had previously told her she was the reason they won a couple of the games! He didn't play her at playoffs at all and had no communication with her. She was absolutely humiliated as she was the only one that didn't play and this could have been prevented if he had a discussion with her prior to the games. This hit her much harder than other kids because of her background. Rejection is deep in a child that was adopted. After that she gave him a chance to apologize and he turned it around and made it her fault. She no longer plays soccer.
To the coaches on this board, recognize you have an impact on the individual may it be positive or negative. When you come to the end of your life you will only be thinking about what difference you made in this world or in an individual's life. I know this because I was on my death bed for a long period of time and walked the halls of the cancer ward and that is what all of us talked about. You as a coach have the special opportunity to help a kid believe in themselves and to do better which can have a huge impact. I encourage you to do a test and pick a kid who needs encouragement and watch what can happen. They look up to you and what you say to them they take to heart. So pardon us parents if we are trying to get you to communicate with our kiddos. They are kids in various stages of emotional development. I speak for my 11 year old because she is too scared to do it right now. I talk to her about every feeling and do my best to speak for her.
Having said all of this, and it is a lot, I realized my high expectations is not realistic in this soccer world so beating my head against a wall expecting it is futile. We have to work around it regardless of how counter intuitive it is. One more thing to coaches, if you communicated more with us and our kids up front, it would probably decrease the amount we need to communicate with you. What seems obvious to you isn't so obvious to us. I always feel like I am wondering in the night not knowing what is going on begging for one flash light and doing my best to figure it out. My daughter often asks me why this or that and I can't answer her. You coaches are the one's with the answers.
younothat
PREMIER
The author was a soccer parent/coach who is now just a coach so his perspective is his own.
We've been fortunate to have pretty good communication between coaches and our kids through out the years but I do think its one area that we all can improve on, clubs, coaches, parent, players.
If your player is on a sponsored or funded team perceptive can be different and people see the economics differently also.
This time of year is normally when you start to hear the grumblings from whoever about playing time, positions, wins, losses, camp invites, etc no mater if you team is doing well, improving, or not.
Sometimes the banter is not all that productive because its just talk between parents, players, or whoever and the coach is not in the loop or whatever and that's can be unfortunate, missed opportunity to talk things out.
Some kids have a difficult time speaking up and they will complain to their mates or parents but are a bit reluctant to speak there mind with their coach(es)
At most school we now have these on-line tools to see our kids daily, weekly assignment, grades, absences, whatever and can easily see whats going on or correspond with the educational folks.
Youth soccer is much difficult to find out whats going on sometime and I think that lack of info, frustration, and confusion are the source of some of the perceived problems.
So how do we approve communications? I think almost everyone could agree that there should be more open communications?
How about a few minutes each months where each player/coach can talk one on one?. Once a quarter or something have the parent also attend a session. One or twice a year have the directors day where you could schedule a 5-10 time to have the player or parents talk with them.
Just throwing out ideas but I think this is one area we could improve one , getting the biyearly evalues without prior communications or understanding is like getting a report card in the old days and there is bound to be some surprises.
We've been fortunate to have pretty good communication between coaches and our kids through out the years but I do think its one area that we all can improve on, clubs, coaches, parent, players.
If your player is on a sponsored or funded team perceptive can be different and people see the economics differently also.
This time of year is normally when you start to hear the grumblings from whoever about playing time, positions, wins, losses, camp invites, etc no mater if you team is doing well, improving, or not.
Sometimes the banter is not all that productive because its just talk between parents, players, or whoever and the coach is not in the loop or whatever and that's can be unfortunate, missed opportunity to talk things out.
Some kids have a difficult time speaking up and they will complain to their mates or parents but are a bit reluctant to speak there mind with their coach(es)
At most school we now have these on-line tools to see our kids daily, weekly assignment, grades, absences, whatever and can easily see whats going on or correspond with the educational folks.
Youth soccer is much difficult to find out whats going on sometime and I think that lack of info, frustration, and confusion are the source of some of the perceived problems.
So how do we approve communications? I think almost everyone could agree that there should be more open communications?
How about a few minutes each months where each player/coach can talk one on one?. Once a quarter or something have the parent also attend a session. One or twice a year have the directors day where you could schedule a 5-10 time to have the player or parents talk with them.
Just throwing out ideas but I think this is one area we could improve one , getting the biyearly evalues without prior communications or understanding is like getting a report card in the old days and there is bound to be some surprises.
Lambchop
GOLD
The reality is that yes it should be player to coach but many of the players are afraid of the coach. Hmmm, why is that?
Prime example of player/coach communication breakdown. Parents need to engage at this point.
I'm not sure which is more concerning - That someone had to create a list for how to talk to a coach. Or that people are arguing about it.
I am pretty sure that when a player leaves a team because of "coaching" - it's because that coach is a horrible communicator. Coaches using a team manager has a mouthpiece/proxy is weak. We are coaching kids, not the Lakers. This standoff approach to dealing with parents is ridiculous. Engage them. Let them know your philosophy / plan for the season. Talk to them about what you will be training. Talk to them about various systems of play that you might use. If your team has a crappy game, acknowledge some of the reasons why. If your team has an amazing game, talk about some of the reasons why. If a kid has a great game, text the parents and tell them specifically what you liked about their performance that day. If a kid has a horrible game, reach out and discuss what they can do to make up for it.
Most soccer parents are pretty clueless about the nuances of soccer. They see a "big kick" as a sign of a good player. Or that their super fast kid with the touch of a donkey should get more playing time than the slower kid who makes the right decision with the ball every time.
If as a parent, you are mad or have a question about something, you have every right to ask the coach about it. But probably not immediately after the game has ended. And certainly not while the game is being played. Unless it is a safety issue, the 24 hour rule is a good one to follow. Sleep on it. Shoot your coach a note and ask for a meeting. Buy him a cup of coffee or a beer.
But ask your kid about it first. You'd be surprised what kids have to say.
Examples:
Dad: "How come you only played 5 minutes in the 2nd half?
Kid: "I told the coach that I was about to throw up and I didn't feel well. He kept asking me if I was ready to go in. I didn't want to barf all over the field."
Mom: "Your coach needs to make sure that you are playing striker all the time. Doesn't he realize how good you are?"
Kid "Coach pulled me aside yesterday and told me that he thinks I am one of the top 5 players in this age group. He said he wants me to try other positions because if I ever move to a new team, it will be better for me to be versatile. He said that he knows that I can score goals, but wants me to read the game from different positions."
Dad: "How come you played goal keeper? That's not your position."
Kid: "It was my turn. We rotate for now. And the girl who was supposed to play in goal, had a really sore wrist from a gymnastics meet she had yesterday. I volunteered to play in goal. It's kinda fun!"
Of course, there are just some jackass coaches out there that probably require your intervention:
Dad: "You played great. Why did you come off of the field crying at halftime?"
Kid: "Coach told me that if I didn't slide tackle #12, then I would sit the bench in the 2nd half. I was afraid to get a red card again, so I didn't do it."
Mom: "Why aren't you eating your lunch?"
Kid: "Coach told me I am too slow and that I need to lose weight if I want to be faster"
I am pretty sure that when a player leaves a team because of "coaching" - it's because that coach is a horrible communicator. Coaches using a team manager has a mouthpiece/proxy is weak. We are coaching kids, not the Lakers. This standoff approach to dealing with parents is ridiculous. Engage them. Let them know your philosophy / plan for the season. Talk to them about what you will be training. Talk to them about various systems of play that you might use. If your team has a crappy game, acknowledge some of the reasons why. If your team has an amazing game, talk about some of the reasons why. If a kid has a great game, text the parents and tell them specifically what you liked about their performance that day. If a kid has a horrible game, reach out and discuss what they can do to make up for it.
Most soccer parents are pretty clueless about the nuances of soccer. They see a "big kick" as a sign of a good player. Or that their super fast kid with the touch of a donkey should get more playing time than the slower kid who makes the right decision with the ball every time.
If as a parent, you are mad or have a question about something, you have every right to ask the coach about it. But probably not immediately after the game has ended. And certainly not while the game is being played. Unless it is a safety issue, the 24 hour rule is a good one to follow. Sleep on it. Shoot your coach a note and ask for a meeting. Buy him a cup of coffee or a beer.
But ask your kid about it first. You'd be surprised what kids have to say.
Examples:
Dad: "How come you only played 5 minutes in the 2nd half?
Kid: "I told the coach that I was about to throw up and I didn't feel well. He kept asking me if I was ready to go in. I didn't want to barf all over the field."
Mom: "Your coach needs to make sure that you are playing striker all the time. Doesn't he realize how good you are?"
Kid "Coach pulled me aside yesterday and told me that he thinks I am one of the top 5 players in this age group. He said he wants me to try other positions because if I ever move to a new team, it will be better for me to be versatile. He said that he knows that I can score goals, but wants me to read the game from different positions."
Dad: "How come you played goal keeper? That's not your position."
Kid: "It was my turn. We rotate for now. And the girl who was supposed to play in goal, had a really sore wrist from a gymnastics meet she had yesterday. I volunteered to play in goal. It's kinda fun!"
Of course, there are just some jackass coaches out there that probably require your intervention:
Dad: "You played great. Why did you come off of the field crying at halftime?"
Kid: "Coach told me that if I didn't slide tackle #12, then I would sit the bench in the 2nd half. I was afraid to get a red card again, so I didn't do it."
Mom: "Why aren't you eating your lunch?"
Kid: "Coach told me I am too slow and that I need to lose weight if I want to be faster"
I have had good luck with it, as I have stated. My kids are top-flight soccer players. Why would I need to talk to the coach? I managed a team once and I recognized that parents who thought because they were good at business meant they should have coaches listen to them were the surest avenue to the kid's mediocrity. You haven't answered the question; what does you talking to the coach help your kid enjoy and/or improve his/her soccer, that the kid can't learn by him/herself?
You're joking, right? So the coach has 2 jobs? Coaching on the field and coffee klatsches with mom and dad off the field? OMG.
Something about that phrase made me laugh out loud.
Because we have all seen it