What should players and parents do to stop verbally abusive coaches towards players? As you can imagine, there is always the fear of retaliation since coaches feel that they have all the power. Seeking thoughts on best ways to handle. Success stories?
This is based on my own experiences, so take it with a grain of salt.
Short answer: Leave the club and email the DOC and the directors why you're leaving but don't be a whiny snowflake about it. Say something like "Due to the repeated bullying behavior by Coach X we have decided to leave the club. His behavior has taken away my son's/daughter's passion for the game and I'm very concerned that if we were to stay that it might negatively impact the long-term soccer development of my child"
Long answer: As other's have pointed out yelling can run the spectrum from harmless to seriously impacting your child's self esteem. We all have different ideas as to what constitutes abusive behavior. (SafeSport has formal definitions of what constitutes Emotional Misconduct and Bullying). To really qualify it needs to be repeated behavior, and not just a random one off where they made your child cry. Do your best to figure out where the coaches behavior fits on the spectrum before going up the chain of command. Coaches that are abusive typically are compensating for their own lack of knowledge regarding the game and/or own inability to effectively teach children. Too many coaches use the same methods for teaching adults as they do children. Those coaches are idiots. (Just FYI I don't care for the term "teach", I think soccer is a sport you "learn", but maybe that's just semantics). Keep in mind that the DOC already knows that your coach is an asshole and has done nothing about it, so don't expect him or her to be very sympathetic to your complaint. If you want to raise an issue, raise it with the board members. Out of protocol you should probably address this issue with the coach first, but the odds of that being productive are slim to none. Remember coaches think your an idiot parent that knows nothing about coaching soccer. Further soccer clubs don't consider parents to be a customer, but instead only think of parents as an annoyance, which is only true for a small percentage of parents. Also if others parents on your team have the same concerns don't expect them to voice those to the club as well. Assume you are going it alone and be prepared for the club to do nothing about it.
One of the problems with bullying is that it often works...in the short term. Which is all most coaches care about anyway.
The best way to avoid bullying is to do your own due diligence before joining a team. Never, never, ever go to a tryout blind without knowing who the coach will be and having attended some of their practices. This not only helps your child in the tryout process, but gives you a good idea of whether a coach is a good fit for your child. Also check out your coaches bio on the clubs website (this is tongue and cheek), and if their bio says that they had a "a promising pro career derailed by a knee injury in college (usually Div II)" that's a red flag that they are going to try to live their glory through a bunch of U12's.
At the end of the day us parents really have only ourselves to blame for abusive coaches. Of course my advice is easier said then done. The most abusive coaches usually are coaching the top teams and parents have FOMO and/or fear of retaliation if they say anything. But keep in mind there are dozen of top teams out there.
PS: If possible finish the season if your child can stand to do it, I think its a good lesson for the kids to overcome diversity. I told my son, "look the coach is a total asshole, but try to ignore the demeaning comments and try to focus on what he is teaching soccerwise."
