Ventura Coach Accused of Inappropriate Acts

Socalsoccercoach you’re working really hard to discredit me. I never said VT was my daughter’s primary soccer coach. Yes he did fill-in and travel with our team to a tournament and stay in the same hotel that we did and that makes my skin crawl.

For those of you who are interested, my issue with this club began when my coach and club administrators failed to protect my seven-year-old daughter from a parent on her U8 team.

This parent verbally attacked my 7 y/o daughter while I was taking other players to the restroom during warm-ups before a game. My daughter took a bad touch on the ball and hit this parent. His reaction was full of rage and out of control. He scared the hell out of my child who faced this angry guy alone. It was witnessed by many people, including my coach, who did nothing. This parent was under the delusional impression that my 7 y/o was targeting him with the ball. He sent an email to our family that evening stating this and demanding an apology from her. We appealed to the club to do something to protect my daughter going forward. All parents sign agreements regarding parent behavior on the sidelines- can’t speak to the ref, yell negative comments, etc. How could our club possibly allow this parent to verbally attack a child on his own daughter’s team?

We sent all emails to Eagles and requested repeatedly that they do something to protect my daughter. This parent would routinely attend practices and stand with my coach during practice. He was also allowed to coach our team during several scrimmages and at a game. How could we continue to play on a team where my daughter felt intimidated and afraid. While we were still in talks with the Eagles about the best way to handle the situation, our coach announced to my daughters team that she had left the club.

Months later I heard about VT. In our experience, Eagles do what’s best for the ADULTS at Eagles-players are secondary. My seven-year-old daughter was certainly secondary. My intention here has been to make sure that the matter of VT abusing a 14 player did not get swept under the rug. I wanted parents to be reminded that there are dangerous adults out there who have access to our young athletes and to constantly be vigilant because the powers that be at their clubs are not always looking out for them. DM, what did I do to protect kids? I took mine and left. I refused to shut up about this issue despite attacks. There are clearly posters here who have much invested in the Eagles and are willing to overlook transgressions. It is exactly that attitude that allows dangerous people to operate without consequences within an organization. As for money owed, Eagles is in breach of contract and the courts will have the last word on that.
So you are charging them with fraud (hope there wasn't a signed contract involved) and they have the ability to charge you with theft (cashed a check that didn't belong to you??)...sounds like a good one for Judge Judy.
 
What new internal procedures do you recommend?
1. Coaches are not allowed to individually text a player
2. Communication between players and coaches are conducted at practice, games or official team activities only. Any other communication is communicated by the team captain to the players.
3. Coaches stay at a different hotel than the team and no parent or player is to visit the coach at his or her hotel for any reason.
4. Coaches do not travel in a car with any players unless parent or team manager is also there.
5. No private dinners between some players and coaches - only team events
6. Coaches are not to ask personal questions of players - these coaches are not the players' therapist and should stick to coaching not trying to conduct family therapy or personal counseling.
7. Coaches are to refrain from any use of alcohol or drugs at any team event and risk immediate termination if this rule is broken.
8. Clubs establish an advocacy committee made up of parent and club representatives where grievances can be taken for legitimate evaluation and mediation (this can be a complaint about coach or parent) . If it is unresolved then there is a larger advocacy group outside of the club from a consortium of other clubs so it is taken out of the private backroom of the club where coaches and club DOC's collude and blackball or bash parents.
9. A 360 evaluation of coaches required and considered with respect for the parent's feedback and raises are based in part on customer satisfaction.
10. The club climate is changed so the coaches and club admin remember that the parents are the customer and partner in the situation with minor children.
11. Mandated training on child development, adolescent psychology, ethics and boundaries, sexual harassment and misconduct, relevant criminal laws and legal consequences if commit any of those crimes

That's a few ideas to start......
 

Daniel Miller

SILVER ELITE
1. Coaches are not allowed to individually text a player. OK

2. Communication between players and coaches are conducted at practice, games or official team activities only. Any other communication is communicated by the team captain to the players. NEEDS WORK. A TEAM CAPTAIN IS A "PLAYER," SO SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE PERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS EITHER. COMMUNICATION SHOULD ALWAYS BE ALLOWED IF A PARENT IS PRESENT.

3. Coaches stay at a different hotel than the team and no parent or player is to visit the coach at his or her hotel for any reason. OK IN CONCEPT. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY A "PARENT" IS PROHIBITED FROM VISITING A COACH.

4. Coaches do not travel in a car with any players unless parent or team manager is also there. OK. ALSO OK IF PARENT IS THERE.

5. No private dinners between some players and coaches - only team events. OK. BUT SHOULD E OK IF A PARENT IS PRESENT.

6. Coaches are not to ask personal questions of players - these coaches are not the players' therapist and should stick to coaching not trying to conduct family therapy or personal counseling. HMM. THAT MIGHT BE A BIT MUCH, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY "PERSONAL."

7. Coaches are to refrain from any use of alcohol or drugs at any team event and risk immediate termination if this rule is broken. IN GENERAL, YES, BUT DO YOU MEAN HAVING A BEER AT A TEAM PARTY WHERE OTHER PARENTS ARE DRINKING BEER?

8. Clubs establish an advocacy committee made up of parent and club representatives where grievances can be taken for legitimate evaluation and mediation (this can be a complaint about coach or parent) . If it is unresolved then there is a larger advocacy group outside of the club from a consortium of other clubs so it is taken out of the private backroom of the club where coaches and club DOC's collude and blackball or bash parents. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

9. A 360 evaluation of coaches required and considered with respect for the parent's feedback and raises are based in part on customer satisfaction. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

10. The club climate is changed so the coaches and club admin remember that the parents are the customer and partner in the situation with minor children. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

11. Mandated training on child development, adolescent psychology, ethics and boundaries, sexual harassment and misconduct, relevant criminal laws and legal consequences if commit any of those crimes. A COURSE ON CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHOLOGY? I THOUGHT COACHES WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE "THERAPISTS." (SEE #6 ABOVE) IT MIGHT BE GOOD TO KNOW ALL THAT STUFF IN A GENERAL SENSE, BUT WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE COURSES, HOW MANY COACHES WILL YOU LOSE BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE COURSES, AND HOW WILL YOU REPLACE THEM? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE TO COACH CLUB SOCCER, AND YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE THE BAR SO HIGH THAT PEOPLE WON'T WANT TO COACH.
 

Fact

PREMIER
1. Coaches are not allowed to individually text a player. OK

2. Communication between players and coaches are conducted at practice, games or official team activities only. Any other communication is communicated by the team captain to the players. NEEDS WORK. A TEAM CAPTAIN IS A "PLAYER," SO SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE PERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS EITHER. COMMUNICATION SHOULD ALWAYS BE ALLOWED IF A PARENT IS PRESENT.

3. Coaches stay at a different hotel than the team and no parent or player is to visit the coach at his or her hotel for any reason. OK IN CONCEPT. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY A "PARENT" IS PROHIBITED FROM VISITING A COACH.

4. Coaches do not travel in a car with any players unless parent or team manager is also there. OK. ALSO OK IF PARENT IS THERE.

5. No private dinners between some players and coaches - only team events. OK. BUT SHOULD E OK IF A PARENT IS PRESENT.

6. Coaches are not to ask personal questions of players - these coaches are not the players' therapist and should stick to coaching not trying to conduct family therapy or personal counseling. HMM. THAT MIGHT BE A BIT MUCH, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY "PERSONAL."

7. Coaches are to refrain from any use of alcohol or drugs at any team event and risk immediate termination if this rule is broken. IN GENERAL, YES, BUT DO YOU MEAN HAVING A BEER AT A TEAM PARTY WHERE OTHER PARENTS ARE DRINKING BEER?

8. Clubs establish an advocacy committee made up of parent and club representatives where grievances can be taken for legitimate evaluation and mediation (this can be a complaint about coach or parent) . If it is unresolved then there is a larger advocacy group outside of the club from a consortium of other clubs so it is taken out of the private backroom of the club where coaches and club DOC's collude and blackball or bash parents. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

9. A 360 evaluation of coaches required and considered with respect for the parent's feedback and raises are based in part on customer satisfaction. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

10. The club climate is changed so the coaches and club admin remember that the parents are the customer and partner in the situation with minor children. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS.

11. Mandated training on child development, adolescent psychology, ethics and boundaries, sexual harassment and misconduct, relevant criminal laws and legal consequences if commit any of those crimes. A COURSE ON CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHOLOGY? I THOUGHT COACHES WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE "THERAPISTS." (SEE #6 ABOVE) IT MIGHT BE GOOD TO KNOW ALL THAT STUFF IN A GENERAL SENSE, BUT WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE COURSES, HOW MANY COACHES WILL YOU LOSE BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE COURSES, AND HOW WILL YOU REPLACE THEM? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE TO COACH CLUB SOCCER, AND YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE THE BAR SO HIGH THAT PEOPLE WON'T WANT TO COACH.
They should have a zero tolerance policy on texting/emails. Violate the rule once and you are gone. Don't report someone violating the rule and you are also gone. That way there is no gray area on what is an innocent mistake.
 
1. Coaches are not allowed to individually text a player
2. Communication between players and coaches are conducted at practice, games or official team activities only. Any other communication is communicated by the team captain to the players.
3. Coaches stay at a different hotel than the team and no parent or player is to visit the coach at his or her hotel for any reason.
4. Coaches do not travel in a car with any players unless parent or team manager is also there.
5. No private dinners between some players and coaches - only team events
6. Coaches are not to ask personal questions of players - these coaches are not the players' therapist and should stick to coaching not trying to conduct family therapy or personal counseling.
7. Coaches are to refrain from any use of alcohol or drugs at any team event and risk immediate termination if this rule is broken.
8. Clubs establish an advocacy committee made up of parent and club representatives where grievances can be taken for legitimate evaluation and mediation (this can be a complaint about coach or parent) . If it is unresolved then there is a larger advocacy group outside of the club from a consortium of other clubs so it is taken out of the private backroom of the club where coaches and club DOC's collude and blackball or bash parents.
9. A 360 evaluation of coaches required and considered with respect for the parent's feedback and raises are based in part on customer satisfaction.
10. The club climate is changed so the coaches and club admin remember that the parents are the customer and partner in the situation with minor children.
11. Mandated training on child development, adolescent psychology, ethics and boundaries, sexual harassment and misconduct, relevant criminal laws and legal consequences if commit any of those crimes

That's a few ideas to start......
Sounds like "club soccer" isn't for you....perhaps you should find another interest.
 
Hmmm, didn't know that club soccer was about encouraging adult coaches to have private access to minors which could create opportunities for those that are predators to commit sexual crimes against their players. Maybe you're right, that's not for me if that's what you think "club soccer" is.
 
1. Coaches are not allowed to individually text a player. OK

2. Communication between players and coaches are conducted at practice, games or official team activities only. Any other communication is communicated by the team captain to the players. NEEDS WORK. A TEAM CAPTAIN IS A "PLAYER," SO SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE PERSONAL COMMUNICATIONS EITHER. COMMUNICATION SHOULD ALWAYS BE ALLOWED IF A PARENT IS PRESENT. Agree

3. Coaches stay at a different hotel than the team and no parent or player is to visit the coach at his or her hotel for any reason. OK IN CONCEPT. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY A "PARENT" IS PROHIBITED FROM VISITING A COACH. why would a parent need to visit the coach at his or her hotel?

4. Coaches do not travel in a car with any players unless parent or team manager is also there. OK. ALSO OK IF PARENT IS THERE.

5. No private dinners between some players and coaches - only team events. OK. BUT SHOULD E OK IF A PARENT IS PRESENT.

6. Coaches are not to ask personal questions of players - these coaches are not the players' therapist and should stick to coaching not trying to conduct family therapy or personal counseling. HMM. THAT MIGHT BE A BIT MUCH, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY "PERSONAL." "personal": questions about their relationships with their boyfriends, questions about sex, questions about family issues that are better explored by a professional therapist,

7. Coaches are to refrain from any use of alcohol or drugs at any team event and risk immediate termination if this rule is broken. IN GENERAL, YES, BUT DO YOU MEAN HAVING A BEER AT A TEAM PARTY WHERE OTHER PARENTS ARE DRINKING BEER? So how much alcohol would be ok? Would it be ok for the coach to get drunk at the team party if other parents are also wasted? I don't know how you have a guideline about it, either you can drink alcohol or not so not sure how that would work. Maybe other parents aren't concerned about this.

8. Clubs establish an advocacy committee made up of parent and club representatives where grievances can be taken for legitimate evaluation and mediation (this can be a complaint about coach or parent) . If it is unresolved then there is a larger advocacy group outside of the club from a consortium of other clubs so it is taken out of the private backroom of the club where coaches and club DOC's collude and blackball or bash parents. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS. It sets the tone that parents have an avenue to bring up concerns and limits potential predators actions/freedom.

9. A 360 evaluation of coaches required and considered with respect for the parent's feedback and raises are based in part on customer satisfaction. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS. It creates a structure that coaches are accountable to parents and the club so it reduces the isolation which can contribute to predators behaviors.

10. The club climate is changed so the coaches and club admin remember that the parents are the customer and partner in the situation with minor children. MIGHT BE A GOOD POLICY IN GENERAL, BUT IS NOT DESIGNED TO PROTECT AGAINST SEXUAL PREDATORS. It ends the behavior of excluding parents which opens up the door for predators to prey on vulnerable players

11. Mandated training on child development, adolescent psychology, ethics and boundaries, sexual harassment and misconduct, relevant criminal laws and legal consequences if commit any of those crimes. A COURSE ON CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND ADOLESCENT PSYCHOLOGY? I THOUGHT COACHES WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE "THERAPISTS." (SEE #6 ABOVE) IT MIGHT BE GOOD TO KNOW ALL THAT STUFF IN A GENERAL SENSE, BUT WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE COURSES, HOW MANY COACHES WILL YOU LOSE BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE COURSES, AND HOW WILL YOU REPLACE THEM? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE TO COACH CLUB SOCCER, AND YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE THE BAR SO HIGH THAT PEOPLE WON'T WANT TO COACH.
Brief online class which covers the basics - would not be expensive or much time requirement. Is there such a shortage of coaches that want these coaching positions?
 
Hmmm, didn't know that club soccer was about encouraging adult coaches to have private access to minors which could create opportunities for those that are predators to commit sexual crimes against their players. Maybe you're right, that's not for me if that's what you think "club soccer" is.
Nobody is encouraging private adult "access" with minors.
Takes a special kind of thought procees to conclude that
Do your job as a parent.
Enjoy the day.
 
The suggestions I listed only would create some structure that would help keep boundaries in place. Some parents aren't so attentive and this might help those players. I don't have an issue with club soccer.
 

smellycleats

SILVER ELITE
I don't believe you are focused on kids. I don't believe you are trying to make any child safe. I don't believe you are trying to help make things better.

Smellycleats, you are not helping the victim in this case; you are using her tragedy as a tool to settle an old score with the Eagles. Her loss is your convenience.
My purpose in posting my family’s experience at Eagles is not to settle a score. It was to show that there is a pattern of behavior on the part of some coaches and leadership there. In our case, when it came time for Eagles to make a choice to protect young players or to protect their assets they chose protecting their own interests. It wasn't about sexual abuse but it was an example of how the club looked the other way on reprehensible behavior on the part of one of their parents in order to protect themselves -THE ADULTS. The guy who came after my daughter has a history of trouble at Eagles. There have been other complaints against him. His daughter is also a standout player. Neither the coach nor the club wanted to lose her. If they had chosen to limit his field access or some other punitive measure, he would have likely taken her and left. This was the choice they had to make to protect my daughter and others from a volatile bully-a guy that picks on 7 year olds. And I was pretty naive. This was our first club experience. Both of my daughters had the same coach and I thought he was a pretty standup guy. When all of this went down I actually thought that the club was going to handle it. I had faith in them. This is why I post repeatedly on the subject and why I won't shut up. I'm sure there are other parents out there who might have misplaced faith in their club

When I heard about VT I was devastated for the girl and her family, as well as for my own daughters who had to hear about it. Based on my own experience with this club though, I was not surprised.
 

Fact

PREMIER
My purpose in posting my family’s experience at Eagles is not to settle a score. It was to show that there is a pattern of behavior on the part of some coaches and leadership there. In our case, when it came time for Eagles to make a choice to protect young players or to protect their assets they chose protecting their own interests. It wasn't about sexual abuse but it was an example of how the club looked the other way on reprehensible behavior on the part of one of their parents in order to protect themselves -THE ADULTS. The guy who came after my daughter has a history of trouble at Eagles. There have been other complaints against him. His daughter is also a standout player. Neither the coach nor the club wanted to lose her. If they had chosen to limit his field access or some other punitive measure, he would have likely taken her and left. This was the choice they had to make to protect my daughter and others from a volatile bully-a guy that picks on 7 year olds. And I was pretty naive. This was our first club experience. Both of my daughters had the same coach and I thought he was a pretty standup guy. When all of this went down I actually thought that the club was going to handle it. I had faith in them. This is why I post repeatedly on the subject and why I won't shut up. I'm sure there are other parents out there who might have misplaced faith in their club

When I heard about VT I was devastated for the girl and her family, as well as for my own daughters who had to hear about it. Based on my own experience with this club though, I was not surprised.
Based on your description of this guy, isn't he also a high school coach? If so Eagles would not do anything to jeopardize their players making the high school team. Remember one child's best interest is insignificant when a club is protecting their bottom line.
 

El Clasico

SILVER ELITE
Who is the parent? Are they still with Eagles? Wouldn't be the "Macs Greatest Hits" guy, would it? Based on the age given by SC, that would make sense.
 

Fact

PREMIER
Sour grapes...
I generally agree with you but don't you think you are being a little hard in this case? He or she might have approached the issue wrong by using a victim to further her argument, but it is a valid argument that the Eagles often look the other way.
 
I generally agree with you but don't you think you are being a little hard in this case? He or she might have approached the issue wrong by using a victim to further her argument, but it is a valid argument that the Eagles often look the other way.
That's not been my experience...
She's made her point again and again. The fact is, others have had great experiences with the Eagles.
I know folks that have felt they had poor experiences with other clubs, they changed clubs and moved on....
Changing clubs for some is a yearly tradition, looking for the coach that recognizes that their little Suzy is the most talented child to ever set foot on the pitch.
 
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Daniel Miller

SILVER ELITE
My purpose in posting my family’s experience at Eagles is not to settle a score. It was to show that there is a pattern of behavior on the part of some coaches and leadership there. In our case, when it came time for Eagles to make a choice to protect young players or to protect their assets they chose protecting their own interests. It wasn't about sexual abuse but it was an example of how the club looked the other way on reprehensible behavior on the part of one of their parents in order to protect themselves -THE ADULTS. The guy who came after my daughter has a history of trouble at Eagles. There have been other complaints against him. His daughter is also a standout player. Neither the coach nor the club wanted to lose her. If they had chosen to limit his field access or some other punitive measure, he would have likely taken her and left. This was the choice they had to make to protect my daughter and others from a volatile bully-a guy that picks on 7 year olds. And I was pretty naive. This was our first club experience. Both of my daughters had the same coach and I thought he was a pretty standup guy. When all of this went down I actually thought that the club was going to handle it. I had faith in them. This is why I post repeatedly on the subject and why I won't shut up. I'm sure there are other parents out there who might have misplaced faith in their club

When I heard about VT I was devastated for the girl and her family, as well as for my own daughters who had to hear about it. Based on my own experience with this club though, I was not surprised.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(psychology)

In psychology and logic, rationalization or rationalisation (also known as making excuses[1]) is a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable—or even admirable and superior—by plausible means.[2] It is also an informal fallacy of reasoning.[3]
 
My purpose in posting my family’s experience at Eagles is not to settle a score. It was to show that there is a pattern of behavior on the part of some coaches and leadership there. In our case, when it came time for Eagles to make a choice to protect young players or to protect their assets they chose protecting their own interests. It wasn't about sexual abuse but it was an example of how the club looked the other way on reprehensible behavior on the part of one of their parents in order to protect themselves -THE ADULTS. The guy who came after my daughter has a history of trouble at Eagles. There have been other complaints against him. His daughter is also a standout player. Neither the coach nor the club wanted to lose her. If they had chosen to limit his field access or some other punitive measure, he would have likely taken her and left. This was the choice they had to make to protect my daughter and others from a volatile bully-a guy that picks on 7 year olds. And I was pretty naive. This was our first club experience. Both of my daughters had the same coach and I thought he was a pretty standup guy. When all of this went down I actually thought that the club was going to handle it. I had faith in them. This is why I post repeatedly on the subject and why I won't shut up. I'm sure there are other parents out there who might have misplaced faith in their club

When I heard about VT I was devastated for the girl and her family, as well as for my own daughters who had to hear about it. Based on my own experience with this club though, I was not surprised.
Ok so you left because of this troublemaking Dad. Did the team fall apart and/or did more players leave because of him or is the team still together and is he still on it? I ask because I do know that some adults react and say something or do something brash but it doesn't typically make us leave a team because of it. Quite possibly you should have gotten over the blow up and helped your daughter understand that adults make mistakes too. To kick his daughter out of the club is a little harsh on the child. She did nothing wrong. I am not sure his crazy outburst was worth a lifetime ban from the team. Did the club speak with him? Or just blow it off? Just asking...
 

outside!

PREMIER
DD was once on a team where one of the dad's felt he was able to say negative comments to the players during the course of the game. Everybody including the DOC and myself told him he needed to STFU. He toned it down, but still couldn't contain himself at times. I told DD that if he ever said anything negative to her, she was allowed to say "STFU Eugene!". Since she is a much better person than I am, she never did, but I would have stood by her.
 
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