First College Coach Call

[dk_b]

Congrats to your daughter, she must be elated!

As for questions from coaches, what is the best answer to give when asked "when do you see yourself committing?"
We've been asked this a few times and it has left my daughter squirming to find the right answer. She didn't want to say as soon as I can but felt that leaving too much time wasn't good either.

Any thoughts??

With one of the two “finalists” when my daughter was making her decision, she said she wanted to see the team play - so wait until the fall (this conversation was happening in April or May of her freshman year (before the current recruiting rule or even that interim rule that lasted about a year)) - and the coach’s response was chilling for my daughter (“sure, that’s fine. But just so you know, there are two XXs in YY who have expressed a desire to play for me. They are pretty good. You are our #1 but we may have to make a move”). Based on how their recruiting turned out, it was BS but we did not know at the time and it put stress on my kid as she narrowed her choices (in fact, when this coach said this, there were not two finalists as she was still talking to/visiting other programs).

I think an honest answer is always the best but how it’s crafted is important. Something like, “I’m early in this process. I don’t want it to drag out but there are a few conversations I need to have before making a decision.” That “decision” could be a timetable or a commitment.

They will use the pressure of how many slots they have so it is really good to have an accurate sense of where your kid stacks up. Is she a top level GK and they are in a “need” year (say, their starter is entering her Sr season and they need to reload)? That’s both a position of strength and vulnerability b/c once they find their GK, that offer is gone. Is she a really good midfielder who can contribute but may not be a 60 to 90 min frosh and her bigger mins will come down the road? That’s a different sort of leverage or freedom. Is she a national team-level, 4 or 5 star defender who the program sees as an immediate starter? If so, they will ALWAYS have time for her to make a decision (well, more time).

 

[crush]

With one of the two “finalists” when my daughter was making her decision, she said she wanted to see the team play - so wait until the fall (this conversation was happening in April or May of her freshman year (before the current recruiting rule or even that interim rule that lasted about a year)) - and the coach’s response was chilling for my daughter (“sure, that’s fine. But just so you know, there are two XXs in YY who have expressed a desire to play for me. They are pretty good. You are our #1 but we may have to make a move”). Based on how their recruiting turned out, it was BS but we did not know at the time and it put stress on my kid as she narrowed her choices (in fact, when this coach said this, there were not two finalists as she was still talking to/visiting other programs).

I think an honest answer is always the best but how it’s crafted is important. Something like, “I’m early in this process. I don’t want it to drag out but there are a few conversations I need to have before making a decision.” That “decision” could be a timetable or a commitment.

They will use the pressure of how many slots they have so it is really good to have an accurate sense of where your kid stacks up. Is she a top level GK and they are in a “need” year (say, their starter is entering her Sr season and they need to reload)? That’s both a position of strength and vulnerability b/c once they find their GK, that offer is gone. Is she a really good midfielder who can contribute but may not be a 60 to 90 min frosh and her bigger mins will come down the road? That’s a different sort of leverage or freedom. Is she a national team-level, 4 or 5 star defender who the program sees as an immediate starter? If so, they will ALWAYS have time for her to make a decision (well, more time).

My pals dd got that same type of pitch when she was in 8th grade over the phone. She was told she was his #1 but she had 8 days to decide or he would take the #2 best 8th grader, who he said has already told him she is all in ((he took both btw)). This story is a good one because four years later she picked a good place. I have another pal whose kid did the same thing but she quit balling over burn out and injuries. I'm truly sad for many of the young females at that age that pressure like that.

 

[dk_b]

My pals dd got that same type of pitch when she was in 8th grade over the phone. She was told she was his #1 but she had 8 days to decide or he would take the #2 best 8th grader, who he said has already told him she is all in ((he took both btw)). This story is a good one because four years later she picked a good place. I have another pal whose kid did the same thing but she quit balling over burn out and injuries. I'm truly sad for many of the young females at that age that pressure like that.

It is a big reason why I think that the new rule is better for the kids. I remember the GK coach who recruited her to the school where my daughter landed (she left not long after my daughter committed) telling me how much recruiting had changed since she was a HS player (and she was not that old). She took all 5 of her “official” visits - like football and basketball players do - but b/c verbals are “locked”, I don’t know any of my daughter’s teammates who took more than the one visit to the school to which she had committed. Making those verbals in 8th and 9th grade as kids were doing was just too young, in my view, and a large reason why women’s soccer has such a high transfer rate (anecdotal - I have not studied this). I think I have said here that where my daughter is going to school is, I believe, the right place for her, I do think (and she agrees) that she was too young to make the commitment. But instead of seeing the attention as a “good thing”, she was feeling pressure and a heavy weight. She received her first YNT invite the day she committed and I asked her if she wanted to hold off since she’d likely get more opportunities but she said “no”. For the goals she could articulate at the time - some of which remained her goals when she signed her NLI - it was the right place.

I cannot imagine making any decision w/o actually visiting the school, seeing the facilities, talking with the coaches in person, meeting players (not that they would necessarily be there but it would give your daughter a sense of the type of player the program attracts), talking with someone from the academic side, etc. Going back to the question posed by @SWHPH - one response would be that you’d need to do an unofficial visit before deciding (If that has not yet happened). Making a decision JUST by phone/zoom/written interactions and a “virtual” tour of campus is something I’d recommend avoiding at all cost. There are big differences out there and seeing them in person can be huge (I won’t give details but that information was critical in deciding/eliminating two Pac-12 programs who would seemingly be the same on a lot of those institutional qualities but were clearly different in terms of fit for my kid)

 

[crush]

It is a big reason why I think that the new rule is better for the kids. I remember the GK coach who recruited her to the school where my daughter landed (she left not long after my daughter committed) telling me how much recruiting had changed since she was a HS player (and she was not that old). She took all 5 of her “official” visits - like football and basketball players do - but b/c verbals are “locked”, I don’t know any of my daughter’s teammates who took more than the one visit to the school to which she had committed. Making those verbals in 8th and 9th grade as kids were doing was just too young, in my view, and a large reason why women’s soccer has such a high transfer rate (anecdotal - I have not studied this). I think I have said here that where my daughter is going to school is, I believe, the right place for her, I do think (and she agrees) that she was too young to make the commitment. But instead of seeing the attention as a “good thing”, she was feeling pressure and a heavy weight. She received her first YNT invite the day she committed and I asked her if she wanted to hold off since she’d likely get more opportunities but she said “no”. For the goals she could articulate at the time - some of which remained her goals when she signed her NLI - it was the right place.

I cannot imagine making any decision w/o actually visiting the school, seeing the facilities, talking with the coaches in person, meeting players (not that they would necessarily be there but it would give your daughter a sense of the type of player the program attracts), talking with someone from the academic side, etc. Going back to the question posed by @SWHPH - one response would be that you’d need to do an unofficial visit before deciding (If that has not yet happened). Making a decision JUST by phone/zoom/written interactions and a “virtual” tour of campus is something I’d recommend avoiding at all cost. There are big differences out there and seeing them in person can be huge (I won’t give details but that information was critical in deciding/eliminating two Pac-12 programs who would seemingly be the same on a lot of those institutional qualities but were clearly different in terms of fit for my kid)

Sage!!! I love you man That was the plan for my dd but covid and that changed what she was hoping to do. I give EVERYONE grace and mercy because this is not an easy thing to fix. I do feel if we would ALL try and help ALL the girls with the mental pressure of playing soccer after high school, the better we will ALL be. I have no skin in the game and only have witnessed the pressure through my dd life the last four years and a few dads & moms who actually still like me. One mom had to go and spend time with her dd because it was so mentally hard for her as a freshman. DD is doing great today but had a hard time as a freshman.

 

[socalkdg]

My daughters first call was a zoom call in front of the whole coaching staff. Eek. I may have whispered one thing to her, wife said she could hear it. Oops. She did really well, but looked extra serious, which isn't my daughter, but completely understand. I will say she has started to get really good with chatting the coaches at ID camps. I think most schools are close to done with 2022's, but seem to be keeping one or two spots open for that unicorn that is still out there. As a 2023 I'm hoping my daughter finds a school and verbally commits by Spring. If not may have to move to an ECNL club just for the extra exposure. We shall see. All these emails are making my daughter a better writer, which is good.